


Wasted Love

by LouiseFox



Series: Wasted Love [1]
Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/F, I'm Still Bad At Tagging, Magical Pregnancy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:08:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseFox/pseuds/LouiseFox
Summary: Prequel to 'She's yours'I wrote this in like 45 minutes. I'm sorry for the mistakes <3
Relationships: Farah Dowling/Rosalind
Series: Wasted Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192784
Comments: 13
Kudos: 25





	Wasted Love

„Don’t you wanna know if it works?”

Rosalind’s words sounded like a threat in her ears. She didn’t know what to do else but to return the nearly devilish grin of her mentor and lover slowly and lay back on the bed. It wasn’t the place to show fear or anything else. After all it was Rosa. And Rosa would know, and she would see. And then she would mock her for it.

“Don’t tell me you are scared Fa.”, there was it again. The sparkle in those light blue eyes that showed her she wanted to try something new. Now she wished they had never gone through those books.

It should have been a different evening. The weather was horrible, horrible enough for the older woman to decide it was fine if they skipped going out on patrols, for training or something else. It was the first day in a long time they got to rest.

Farah had wanted to use the time for something nice. A break of the war. Maybe a movie, some nice food and just laying on the couch. As if they were normal. As if they wouldn’t have to go back to their hard lives if something happened spontaneously or in the morning, when their leader decided it was time again.

The change of mood could be felt in the air. It was actually sad to know that some hours off meant so much for so many people. This should be normal, she told herself, a life in peace, a life without hurt. Most of them didn’t know something else than that. Barely any of them had much of a family left, had something else than the people that stood at their side in the fights.

She wanted a hug, maybe a glass of wine and a warm blanket. The strong arms she loved wrapped around her body. But Rosalind didn’t give her the chance to be like this.

So they didn’t have a nice evening. They went through old books. Until now.

“Please put that down Rosa. Please, the evening is nice. Some of us are watching movies in the hall-“

For that she earned a hard look. It made her feel like she was a child. Was it so wrong to wish once for something else? To not show off? To not pretend she was cold as stone?

It was as if sun, music and laughing was being pushed back in her mind. She had learned years ago to be something else. Rosa had taught her. She had showed her how to be in control, how to not let herself be controlled by something so human…emotions. Love, empathy, and sadness.

She wished she could see the woman she loved just once give her that.

“Movies?” Her tone was cold.

She shuddered. And somehow tears found the way in her eyes. Was it so wrong?

“I thought you are better than that Farah. Than movies.”

Farah closed her eyes. Here it was again. She had learned to not get too close to her mentor. Being near her was all she wanted, and she couldn’t risk getting pushed away further. She knew she would never get that love back, not truly. Why would Rosalind love her? But she loved her. And if that meant to sit near her and help her go through stupid books she would do it. Sill she could wish for more.

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be. Now take that off.”

She didn’t protest. The older woman tucked on her shirt and she sat up to take it off. The fabric laid on the floor soon. Her trousers followed and soon her underwear. She didn’t dare to protest. But it frightened her.

“Why do we need to do this Rosa?”

She watched as she stood over her, seeming so tall and making her feel vulnerable. The old dusty book in her hands.

“It won’t work anyways.”

“Then why?”

A grin followed her question:” Would you rather watch a movie with your dear specialist?”

The words hurt her. She shouldn’t talk of him that way. He was always at her side. He kept her back free in every fight. Still she shook her head and tried to relax.

“Do you love me?” She heard in Rosa’s tone that she knew the answer. Of course, because why wouldn’t she? What other reason was for her to follow her, to lay in her bed always every night, no matter how hard she made her suffer, be?

She always came to her no matter what.

“I do.”

“Then lay back down.” A hand firmly pushed her back against the bed. Her head collided with the pillow and she sighed softly.

“Close your eyes.”

She didn’t like this. She hated the way she couldn’t know what her mentor and lover would do next, what would follow after she closed her eyes and only looked into this darkness. Still she felt the older woman kneeling over her, the shadow of the book on her face.

Then a voice filled the room. Words she didn’t understand, a tone she never heard before. Farah wanted to open her eyes and leave. She wanted to scream and run and tell Rosalind she needed to stop, but she couldn’t. It felt as if she chained her to the bed and kept her in place, forced her body and mind open for a darkness she couldn’t define.

Words didn’t come over her lips.

Stop Rosa. Please stop this.

But she didn’t. It continued.

Dark hands on her hips, hands she didn’t see. A presence on her mind that wasn’t Rosa’s. For a short moment all her fear was pushed away for the ironic thought if the other woman just summoned the devil. Probably. But that thought vanished quickly as she felt a weight on her. And it was as if she opened her eyes, but still there was nothing but darkness.

Please Rosa.

Please.

I’m scarred.

Farah didn’t know what hurt more. The pain in her head, the pain that seemed to consume her body, the pain of the betrayal she felt that the woman forcing this spell on her didn’t stop. She once told her she would do everything to keep her safe. She said all she did was for her, to make her stronger.

How could this make her stronger?

She sobbed hardly when she opened her eyes again. Light seemed to blind her as her eyes weren’t used to something else than a black nothing anymore.

Rosalind didn’t care. It broke her heart. She had this smirk on her face. “Take on your clothes. We still didn’t find the book we were looking for.”

So this was it?

“Rosa- did it-“

“Don’t be silly. I need you to be able to fight. You couldn’t fight if you would carry a little bastard inside of you.”

Those words hurt her too. She had wanted a family. She wanted a normal life. It was what they fought for.

The older woman didn’t wait for her. She left the room a moment later.

After several minutes the pain she felt faded. It went away and left nothing but a dull headache that could also be caused because she didn’t drink enough today and didn’t eat since yesterday morning. She reached for her clothes that laid on the floor and took them on.

Then her phone started ringing and she picked it up.

“Hm?”

“Where are you?”

“I wanted to sleep.” Of course she lied. Ben and Saul hated her relationship with Rosa. They told her how manipulative she was, how she used her. She didn’t want to believe it. She loved her. She told her she wanted to keep her safe. Rosa wouldn’t hurt her.

“But you’re awake. Come to us. Let’s have something nice to eat.”

“Since when can you cook?”

“It’s better than all you do.”, his tone was mocking.

Even through all this she smiled. And then she accepted. Rosa would punish her later for not following her, for ignoring that she wanted her to help her. It was worth it if she got one normal evening. She needed to forget the last minutes.

*

“I care about you.”

She gasped.

“I want you to be safe.”

She grabbed the pillow harder. Rosa loves you, she told herself, she just can’t show it like you do. But she wanted her, she touched her, she held her sometimes at night. It was worth it.

“Say it Farah. Tell me how much you want me.”

It didn’t take more to make her come. Farah didn’t want to. Part of her brain screamed, protested against this. She was tired and sore from all the training, the exhaustion, the many other times Rosa had wanted her in the last days. But she couldn’t resist her. She couldn’t say no. Rosa didn’t allow a no.

“Good girl.” A hand patted her cheek.

This was worth it. She didn’t need to agree with Rosa, she just needed to be close to her. To have this.

*

Farah was used to see blood. To see broken bones, to see burned wounds, to see flesh turning black. To see rotting corpses. She had been five when she saw a dead person for the first time. It had been her mother, she was killed within seconds by a burned one. Before that everything was good, she still remembered it.

Her life had been soft and comfortable. A dream. But then she died. Laid in blood. Eight years later it had been her father. And since then she was alone, fighting to keep her little brothers alive. And the blood followed her. She had failed keeping them alive.

But never has a dead body and splashing read substance on the floor made her stomach turn more than now. Her body protested as she stumbled backwards against a tree, forcing herself to keep standing.

“Farah?”

The world spinning around her. She wanted to rest. The sword she held since she couldn’t keep up with her powers anymore dropped to the floor. How many hours had they been here? She felt powerless and drained.

“Farah!”

It was Ben calling for her. But she couldn’t do more but to stand there, breathing heavily. After a moment he found her.

“Where’s Saul?”, he shouted from a few meters away. His gaze fell on the sword that laid next to her. It wasn’t his, thank god.

“Somewhere- lost him-“, the words came chocked over her lips. Saul would be fine. She felt him through their bond, strong and steady. He was there, somewhere. “Ben-“

He caught her before she could sink to the floor. How was it possible she felt this weak? She had always been stronger than them. Rosa looked out for that. Made her train harder until she couldn’t anymore, pushed her far over her limits. She hadn’t been as extreme with the others as with her.

“I’ve got you. Let’s bring you back.”

Farah choked. A bitter taste on her tongue, making her feel worse than before. Ben responded quickly and helped her into a kneeling position as she throwed up on the floor.

“It’s fine. I’m here.”, he drew soothing circles on her back. “This has been too much for you. Let’s get back and rest.”

She couldn’t stand up. No matter how hard she wanted to.

“That’s fine Fa. We can wait a moment longer.”, he kneeled next to her.

There were steps and she prayed it was no other attack. She couldn’t anymore. But it was just Saul. He ran towards them, out of breath and as tired as they were.

“Let’s go. They already wait for us.”, he held his phone in the left and his sword in the right hand. After watching them for a moment, neither of them seemed to make any effort to move, he frowned and asked:” Is everything okay?”

“Farah overdid herself.”

“That’s possible?”, the specialist huffed, and she wanted to hit him for it.

“I’m fine. Let’s get back.” Farah saw that Ben doubted it. So she smiled briefly at him and took the hand he held out to help her up. The way to the others wasn’t long, she told herself. Only a few minutes and then she could be back home.

*

“Get up. You’re already late.”

She couldn’t. Her heart hurt and she wanted to stay laying. With her eyes closed and just forgetting the world around her.

Rosalind wouldn’t allow it.

“I said: Get. Up.”

“No.”

“No?” Hands grabbed her wrists and forced her up. She cringed at this. Her body aced. The feeling of having to throw up made her stomach twist again. But there was nothing she could spit out, it’s been a long time since she found the strength to eat.

“Please leave me alone Rosa. Please.” She never hated her before. She let her treat her like shit, she let her use her and her body as long as she could be with her. But now she wanted to be alone, to just die.

“You’re pitiful Farah. Now get your ass up and come.” The older one’s tone didn’t allow another word.

She still turned her back to her and closed her eyes again.

More forceful than she ever imagined she could be Rosalind grabbed her and forced her to fall out of the bed and land on the floor. Her whole body protested. She sobbed.

“Stop acting like a child. I want to see you outside in two minutes. If you’re not there I will punish you.”

Farah knew she wouldn’t be there in two minutes. Instead she crawled back into bed and closed her eyes, wishing she wouldn’t love Rosa. Wishing she would love someone who treated her better. Someone who would understand her, listen to her, and show her something else than this rough treatment she got in every way.

*

“I told you I want you downstairs.”

A energy ball hit her in the ribs. She stumbled backwards. They’ve been doing this for hours and she couldn’t keep up her shields anymore.

“You should have listened.”

The next one hit her in the chest and forced her to the floor.

“Get up!”

Rosa looked angry at her.

She does this for her.

She wants to make her stronger.

It was all for her.

“Get up Farah!”

She couldn’t. The younger woman felt the bruises all over her body. She tasted the blood on her tongue. And when she moved her arm she started to think it was broken.

As always Rosalind didn’t tend to her. She didn’t ask if she was okay, she didn’t give her another look.

After waiting several minutes she forced herself to her feet. Since when was she so weak? She used to be able to fight longer. It’s been just a few hours.

It didn’t take her longer than two steps to realize she needed help. Ben was the only one she could think about. And of course he still sat in the greenhouse, his face buried in a book about plants.

A gasp escaped his lips as he saw her slowly enter the room.

“Farah?”

“I think my arm is broken.”, she groaned as she tried to take off her ripped shirt. Now that the adrenaline faded she felt the pain stronger. “It hurts.”

“Rosalind?”

“Who else would want a training session at this time?”

He frowned. Farah’s tone was sarcastic and mocking, but he was worried for her. “Sit down. I well get you a few things.”

Rosalind had done that with all of them, trained them until they looked as if someone punched them green and blue while they couldn’t move. But she always seemed to hit Farah harder than all of them. He couldn’t explain it why.

“Take off your clothes.”

She didn’t protest. Years into a war made her learn how to not be shy about these things. So she took off her trousers as well until she sat there in underwear.

“She got you pretty hard.”

“Oh really? I don’t feel it at all.”, she dryly answered. To be honest, she looked worse than the times before. Her whole body seemed to be covered in green, yellow, and purple spots. Breathing got hard and there was still her arm. But Ben could fix it. He always did.

“It’ll burn.”, he warned as always before applying the lotion. She closed her eyes. It didn’t hurt as much as the first time he used it. Since then she suffered through much worse pain.

“I will bandage your arm. It’ll be fine in a few days if you keep on applying the lotion.”

“Thank you.”, her voice was hoarse.

“Is there more you need?” The male fairy watched her with sorrow in his eyes.

She looked away. There was, but she didn’t know how to say it, how to bring it up. So she shook her head. “No. Thank you.”

*

She had loved Rosa no matter what. She had loved her when she hurt her. When she used her. She loved her when everyone told her to let go, to stay away from her. She loved her always. But this love disappeared with one single strike.

A burning village. Corpses. Dead children. Farah had seen it. And it made her sick. She knew Rosa was bad. Rosa was evil and cruel. She could have stand it. Until now. But no longer.

So she and Saul and Ben reacted. And soon it was over.

“I did all this for you.”, Rosalind shouted at her.

“I love you!”, she added. And then there was silence. She would never harm anyone again.

*

“Ben. I need your help.” It took her time to find the courage for it.

But he didn’t judge her. He listened to her talking and nodded and talked to her as if nothing were wrong. As if she didn’t carry Rosalind’s child.

She made him promise her he wouldn’t tell anyone. Not as long as she wasn’t ready. He gave her some medicine that would help her feel better, so she could work and pretend. Now that Rosalind wasn’t there anymore she needed to be strong again.

Someone needed to. The shock and the aftermath of the war in all their bones. It was just that she couldn’t allow herself to rest.

She felt too much and knew if she rested she would break down. Rosalind never loved her. She used her. She hurt her. She didn’t want her. The truth was hard to take. She had allowed her to use her for so many years.

And the live she felt growing inside her was the biggest joke of all.

“What will you do?”, he asked her softly, not making her rush into something.

Farah watched his little children, not more than infants, that laid safely in their little baskets. She had wanted that too. But not like this. Not alone.

“I will do what is best.” For everyone, she added silently. She couldn’t put herself first.

Somehow he knew what she was thinking. “You deserve to be happy Farah.”

Does she? Her gaze shifted. There was a knock at the door. Saul stood there, a smile on his face. A happy smile, one that made her want to smile to. Little Sky rested pressed by a cloth against his chest. They looked so sweet together, it nearly made her start crying again. Most of the time it was hard to suppress her mood swings.

“Am I disturbing something, or can we go?”

“Go?”, Farah frowned.

“Yes.”, he grinned, “Get your swimming suit. We’ll go somewhere.”  
Through it all she finally returned his smile. This is what they fought for. Something normal. So she agreed. Today she might allow herself this. She could worry again tomorrow.


End file.
